how does a three horse town in tennessee and an ancient city in egypt end up with the same name? was memphis, tennessee settled by egyptians? is one memphis a portal to the other? or is it just a strange coincidence, like accidentally wearing velvet pants to the liberace museum?

we just got back from memphis, one time home of kathy bates. yes, the kathy bates. unfortunately, there were no kathy bates sightings. also not sighted: elvis, gas stations, book stores, or waldo.

here are some highlights from our little weekend south of the (illinois) border:

1. when dan jumped the rope at graceland, ran upstairs, and took a dump in elvis' famed toilet.

2. when chris mocked that cop's accent and consequently got us arrested, which resulted in a phone call to chris' mom, who promptly mailed us a cake with a knife baked in. actually, it was a bowl of pudding with a spoon buried in it, but i'll tell you- it did the trick.

3. when rachel stood in the middle of beale street and demonstrated all the new bird calls she had learned earlier that day from that lady who stood by the post office, completely covered with pigeons. i think they exchanged email addresses, rachel and that bird lady.

4. when the mayor of memphis called me at the motel 6 and asked if i'd ride in a float in the annual memphis parade. i said, "sure, i love a good parade," but then forgot to show up due to getting sidetracked by a plate of roast beef sandwiches. i read later that they had to cancel the parade. i feel a little bad, but, hey, it's not my town.

graceland makes me sad, for many reasons. i feel a link with elvis; maybe i used to be elvis. it is possible. are females always females in past lives? yet another thing to ask my psychic friend.

thanks, dan, for driving all the way down and back. the only thing i want to mention is that sitting behind dan- tall, lanky dan who needs his car seat pushed all the way back- is one of those rare situations that makes me wish i had prosthetic limbs. like, ones that would detach. legs i could just toss in the trunk, maybe stick into a box and mail. it's rough sitting cramped up in a car for eight plus hours, both ways. but worth it. good friends, good times, good roast beef sandwiches. no parade.