a british couple approached us in memphis, asking if we were from around there and knew how to get to beale street. this was while we were sitting by the mississippi, contemplating the lyrics to "proud mary," in which a young tina turner confesses to never having seen the good side of the city- until she hitched a ride on a riverboat queen.

"how much tane do you think she actually pumped in new orleans?" i was pondering aloud as the brits posed their questions.

no, we're not from around here, but yes we do know where beale is. they thanked us with a "cheers!" and then hurried on their way. i love the word "cheers!" as a good-bye, a thank-you, or a much more sophisticated "aloha!" watching their british backsides scurry away, i got to thinking that i might want to start saying "cheers!" more often. when i say "more often," what i really mean is "at all." the thing is, i can't say "cheers!" without fearing that i'm sounding like a stupid, yankee wank. a wankee, if you will. it's like when white people say "damn bitch, you supa fly. lemme pull up dat bumper and smack dat monkey." people just don't look kindly upon it.

maybe if i could do a british accent, i could carry the whole thing off. as it is, i'm from the midwest, the place where accents come to die. this is unless you're counting that sometimes exaggerated chicago accent, where the letter "a" comes out sounding like a drunken whine. the only people i've ever heard with that accent are the irish cops on the south side. and even they sound like they're faking it a little.

anyhow, i think i'm going to start trying it. test the waters, if you will. first, it will begin at work, with customers i'm unlikely to see again. then, i will use it at the grocery store, with the produce boy. the next phase will include incorporating my local postal officers. then i work it in with acquaintances and cousins twice removed. finally, loved ones and friends.

who will say, "has anyone told you yet that you sound like an asshole?"

and then i will shuffle off to the loo, to cry.