One week until my due date. I had an appointment with the doctor yesterday who did her exam and proclaimed that I was "...still closed up. Well, maybe a centimeter." Nothing like having your doctor throw you a pity centimeter. She could tell by the pathetic, needy look in my eyes that I NEEDED her to say that I had a little movement down in my business. Please, doc- throw me something to hang on to over here.

I asked about induction, and she replied that after I'm a week late, that's when the induction would be scheduled. In a most shameless display of begging, I told her that I couldn't wait that long- that I was uncomfortable and not sleeping and couldn't we pretty please just schedule the induction NOW for the Monday after my due date (July 12th). Of course, she was reluctant. But I flashed her that same pathetic, needy look, and she pulled out her Blackberry to see if she was free that Monday, agreeing that we could schedule it. I almost jumped out of my seat and hugged her, which would have been especially awkward seeing as I was naked from the waist down. But, I was close. I had to restrain myself.

"There's a higher risk of c-section with an induction," she warned me. As if THAT was going to change my mind. Maybe I'm naive, but a c-section doesn't seem like a big deal to me. In fact, it seems a much more kinder and gentler way to deliver the baby- one clean incision, and then they gently lift the baby out into the world, pulling him up and out as if unpacking a grocery bag. Either way, I guess I'm saying I don't care- I just want this baby out. This baby needs to come out for my own mental well-being if nothing else- let's face it, for the sake EVERYONE'S mental well-being. Because this week, I gave into the devil's temptation and ate a deli sandwich loaded with lunch meat, and now I've spent the past few days terrified that I've given my baby a deadly form of listeria (google it). So, on top of every other fear I have, now I'm scared that a sandwich has hurt my baby. Oh, how ironic that would be- my favorite kind of food in the world being the ultimate undoing of.... Anyway. Baby, please come out and show me how okay you are.

It's so nice to have an end in sight. Of course, I am still hoping that I go into labor naturally sometime before July 12 (tonight would be okay), but at least I have something to cling to.

I had Culver's today, and while inhaling my mushroom and swiss burger in a secluded corner of the parking lot, I tried to imagine what my baby will look like after he's born. I can't, of course- I can't wrap my head around what baby will look like, or who he will be, or how I'm going to feel when I hold him for the first time. It's too big for me to comprehend- too wonderful. And I'm getting a little choked up right now just thinking about it, and thinking about Chris seeing him, too, for the first time. I can't believe this is happening. I can't wait to meet him and I love him so much already. If you're the kind of person who prays for other people, please add this baby to your list. Please, God, keep him safe and healthy and let everything be alright.

I don't know why saying that I had Culver's for lunch was pertinent to that last paragraph, but I'm just going to leave it in there. Gives a nice little image of a crazy pregnant woman alone in her car with beef juice dripping down her chin while her eyes get all moist and her stomach quivers with the soothing kicks of a little baby boy.