nancyisms

my mother has taken to emailing me her blood pressure. she emails when it goes up, and she emails when it goes down. "it's at its highest," she writes, "when i'm forced to spend money."

she's getting weirder in her old age. the other day, during a routine visit, i noticed that there was a photograph of some little girl in the center of all the family photos. i did not recognize her, and i said, "who's this?" my mother replied, "i don't know. i found it in a library book. isn't she cute?" i put the picture back down, in its place covering a picture of my cousin. a stranger had trumped a blood relative.

her attempts at making conversation are also becoming odder than usual. here's what she does. she chooses two adjectives or a pair of opposites and then asks you which you like better. red or blue? coffee or tea? two-ply or single sheet? ducks or a sofabed? while you stare at her, dumbfounded, she'll tell you what she likes better, but not necessarily why she likes it or what made her bring it up. "i like sneakers better than galoshes," she'll say, then continue, "which do you like better- furniture polish or the spanish flag?"