as stated before, my dreams seem to run along two themes: pregnancy and high school.

oftentimes, the two themes will blur together. last night, i was enrolling in a high school in the north suburbs. i was pregnant. this high school was one of the premier schools in the country, and you could only get in if one of the other students died. i recieved a phone call from the daughter of an 80 year old woman who had been a senior at the school. "mabel's out," she said, "so you're in."

"wow, that's great," i said, and i began to gather my school supplies. i was sharpening pencils, labeling notebooks, and making textbook covers out of brown grocery bags. then, i began to freak out, because the school was located north, and i, pregnant jackie, was still living with my parents on the southside, an hour away. "how am i going to get there every morning?" i asked, because i did not have a car. panic attacks ensued. "i'll never get my diploma! i'll have to work at burger king."

i went to orientation, and, while sitting there, i realized i had already graduated high school. "my god," i said to the thirty-three year old next to me. "i think i have a bachelor's degree, too. what am i doing here?"

then the baby began to kick, and i was rushed to a hospital.

what does it all mean? it's always high school and babies, babies and high school. one would have to imagine that i must have been pregnant as a teenaged student. this would not be the case. i was not having sex in high school, much less concieving kids.

we are going to start making wedding plans soon. this is a scary endeavor, let me tell you. i am not a planner by any means. i would hire a wedding planner if not for various movies which have made me believe that the husband-to-be inevitably ends up marrying the wedding planner. good god, who are these monsters in hollywood? what a horrid scenario.

chris' sister has given me the email address of her best friend, a girl who is getting married in july. i've met this girl once, briefly, and she has repeatedly told chris' sister to have me call her for help. i think this is awesome, although when i email her, i'm not going to know what to write beyond, "help, i need to plan to a wedding." my questions are not going to be specific, as i am broadly confused by the whole topic. this girl has also told chris' sister to invite me out for a girls' night in the next couple of weeks. i love people who are that kind, who barely know you but still extend their friendship.

i was thinking last night about other big events. i did not attend 8th grade graduation, only attended high school graduation because of my parents, and weasled my way out of the college graduation ceremony and instead opted to go out and get loaded on saki. i've only had one formal birthday party. i've never had graduation parties, or any other parties in celebration of other significant milestones. i'm not an "event" person. and that's why planning this wedding is scaring me.

but i have the cheese to help, right? right? right.

my, what a mess this is going to be.