it's probably too late to become a rhodes scholar (you normally can't do these things on a whim), but i thought i would check out what the guidelines are.

1. literary and scholastic attainments

2. energy to use one’s talents to the full, as exemplified by fondness for and success in sports

3. truth, courage, devotion to duty, sympathy for and protection of the weak, kindliness, unselfishness and fellowship

4. moral force of character and instincts to lead, and to take an interest in one’s fellow beings.

gee, i'm so close on this one. if only number 2 weren't such a kick in the pants. energy to use one talents to the fullest? nope, too tired. fondness for and success in sports? replace "sports" with "beer," and then we might be on to something.

i'm not saying i could have been a rhodes scholar, because, clearly, that was never the path i was intended to take in life. but do you ever look at yourself, or look back at your past, and think, gee, i probably could have done a little more? it's sad to be 24 and already think that so much has been wasted. it's even sadder to continue this wasting.

i love new art supplies, so, despite owning a large freezer bag of mostly unused oil pastels, i went out and bought some more. these came in a beautiful wooden carrying case, and i just couldn't resist the purchase, as i am quite the fan of carrying cases, cute containers, new buckets, things with handles, etc. i went home, sat down, and proceeded to sketch out a picture of the girl on tlc's "what not to wear," as that is what i began flipped the tv to. and i thought, why? why am i drawing this obscure celebrity? why am i bothering? what does it all mean, anyways? and while i didn't think about the rhodes scholar thing until much later, this is when i began, once again, to think of what i was doing, versus what i could be doing, or maybe am doing in some parrallel universe, where the icicles grow up, the children grow down, and jackie is on the front page of the paper once again.

ah, well.