i am what you might call entrepeneurially minded, if entrepeneurially were indeed a word. which i'm not convinced it's not. anyhoo, the idea is along the lines of a mystery shopper. you know what mystery shoppers are; they're those folks who walk into a store, pretend to be a customer, and then proceed to make the already unfortunate life of a retail associate even shittier. really, john q. mystery shopper was a brilliant man. in following along the lines of his grandiose vision, i'd like to start "mystery employees." think about it. a company hires a mystery employee to be a beard- to come in, make everyone think that she's a new employee, and then get to know what the other employees really do when the boss isn't around. it would be just like espionage work, only instead of getting a trenchcoat, you get a handful of business cards.

do your employees have the kind of work ethic you think they do? what do they say when your door is closed? are you interested in knowing which of your employees also sell crack on the side? or, are you just curious about who's sleeping with whom? hire a mystery employee!

the mystery employee infiltrates the business and social lives of those seated in the desks around her. she collects data via jotted notes, hidden tape recorders, and tiny spy cameras stuck in the tip of her ballpoint. after the company has been thoroughly satisfied with the mystery employee findings, her services are no longer needed. "linda the new girl" suddenly tells her co-workers that she has to move to brazil due to having to dodge some undeserved traffic tickets, and no one is ever the wiser. until the boss lets on that he knows that rob from accounting is running an illegal casino out of his toolshed.

brilliant.

in other news, my cousin, my dad's sister's 21 year old daughter, just had a baby. the pregnancy was kept secret, and nobody but my aunt, my grandma and my parents knew. so, out of nowhere, i get this phone call that little valerie has had a baby girl. and i'm like, whoa, when did she get pregnant? and they're like, whoa, nine months ago, do the math. and i'm like, whoa. because that's heavy. that's one hell of a secret to keep, although probably also very easy to keep, since i, for one, never ever see her. this is due to long family feud- but that's a story for another time.

she named the baby girl allison, which is what i wanted to name my first born daughter. so nuts to that plan.

(actually, i initially thought i'd want to name my future kid 'alice,' but too many people think 'alice' sounds too old. so, NUTS TO THEM as well. allison's a nice runner-up, though, right? boy am i off track here....)

SO welcome to the world baby allison!!