a good way to annoy me is to treat your dog as if it were your child. to refer to yourself as "mommy" or "daddy" in the presence of said dog and to sign your dog's name to various christmas cards and census reports. people like this bother me to no end; get a dog and treat it like a dog. knock it around, make it hunt down rabbits, use it as a footstool, put a sweater on it along with a kicky little beret as to induce laughter, but please don't act like you're going to start breast feeding the damn thing in a few minutes.

these feelings are strong and deep-rooted. my family had a dog when i was little, and i loved this dog fiercely, but i never considered it to be my second sibling, or perhaps something cousin-like. i suppose it would have been easy; the dog did, after all, have a people name. this also bugs me. dogs are supposed to be called "fido" or "duke" or "sonuvabitch." however, i shall forgive my folks for naming our beagle "jason." the dog was around before i was, and i wonder, sometimes, if the dog had been a girl and i had been a boy, would i have been jason and would the dog have been jackie? i suppose i shall never know.

despite giving him a people name, my dad treated this dog like a dog. i didn't know there was any other way to treat a pet, until i grew a little older and ran into the likes of some of these characters. usually, i end up disliking these people for another reason entirely, but if you say to your dog, "mommy loves you," then it's a good indication that you probably won't be invited to my cinco de mayo party, should i drag out the beer bong and decide that such a party is in order.

i miss my dog jason, but i'm glad that he was able to die with a little dignity, which would not have been possible if we had crammed him into a high chair at the kitchen table. and as far slapping a cowboy hat on his head, using him as a footstool, and letting the neighborhood children attempt to ride him like a pony? very, very dignified. indeed.