1. my birthday is tomorrow, the big 6-3. i mean, the big 2-4. magical things tend to happen on my birthday, such as in 2001 when my skin cleared up overnight, and, 1987, when that band of elves crashed into my bedroom and demanded that i eat their cupcakes.

2. tonight, we leave for los angeles. i have done lengthy research on los angeles and its surrounding communities, and have discovered several interesting tid-bits.

• l.a. has the strongest pull of gravity in the entire solar system.
• l.a. is about 90% hydrogen and 10% helium.
• l.a. has up to 39 moons, depending on who you ask.
• i would weigh about 270 pounds in l.a.

oh, wait. that's jupiter.

3. i think i'm getting that job at the bank. they're working on an offer. i hope it looks like this: 200,000 dollars per year, plus all the string cheese i can reasonably eat, plus medical, dental, life, auto, fire, home, rental, and shoe insurance, plus a name plate the size of my face, plus the freedom to go pantsless on days when i plan on not standing up too often.

4. everyone keeps asking me about the wedding. they won't take "i don't know" for an answer. i'm not exactly a planner, and the idea of having to coordinate this whole event is making me wonder if i should go on one of those wedding shows where five complete strangers plan your wedding on some predetermined budget. the thing is, i don't want to end up getting married in a place that's been decorated to resemble the set of "welcome back kotter." you have to watch out for these things. have you ever seen these shows? sheesh.