while looking in the mirror, i made a startling discovery. it's not so much a "discovery" as a "re-enlightenment of something that i've always known but tend not to think about." i have a crooked smile; when i grin, one side of my mouth slants upwards more than the other half. which is fine, that i can deal with. that, my friends, is endearing. but what i can't deal with is that even when my mouth is closed, it's still crooked. it's like my maker just pasted on my lips without paying attention to the rest of my face. i have a permanent sneer. i am asymmetrical. which i always knew, of course. one boob is slightly bigger. i think one leg is slightly longer (i could be making that up). one eyebrow arches higher. one side of my hair curls more than the other. god, i'm a freakin' mess over here.

but the crooked mouth. i stood in front of the mirror and tried to rearrange my face using only my hands. no vices were available at the time. i tugged upwards at one side of my face and pushed down the other side. it looked okay, but then i had to let go. bam, it sprang back into crookedsville. this is when i started to hyperventilate.

it's okay now. it's livable. upsetting, but, hey, it's not like people stare at me like i have a third arm, right? nobody even notices, i'm sure! but- and here's where i have to lay down- what if it get worse with age? what if my face twists and turns a little bit more every year until one day i'm 43, and my mouth is completely parallel to my nose?

gak!

then, when i try to physically- without using my hands- maneuver my mouth muscles to tip up the side of my mouth that doesn't go up, it's impossible. i feel like a stroke victim- moreso than usual- and i'm not happy about it.

but, like i said, right now, it's okay. but, god help me, what does the future hold for slanty mcslants-a-lot and her crooked mouth?

i hope it's cheesecake.