since i began my quest to recieve an honorary degree, i have, as of late, not recieved an honorary degree. jon stewart got an honorary degree. alice cooper just got an honorary degree. bill cosby, ditto. even the president of costco got an honorary degree. they're handing these suckers out like american flags after 9-11, and yet here i am, empty-handed and heavy of heart.

i must be more diligent about achieving my honorary degree. the key, i know, is to first get nominated. while doing some research in between cheesey puffs tonight, i discovered a list of guidelines given by the university of manitoba, located in beautiful winnipeg where the people are cold and the weather is friendly. so, if anybody does want to submit me for this prestigious non-accomplishment, allow me to direct you to that webpage.

here it is.

don't dilly-dally over this; i'm getting antsy. i don't have a speech prepared yet, but the words "i just flew in from illinois, and boy are my arms tired!" keeps creeping into my mind. also, "but seriously, folks, what, exactly, is a doctorate anyways?" they're probably going to want me to discuss my "field" while i'm up there. "having the expertise in the expert field that i consider myself an expert in, i find that the grocery store lines are still just as long as ever."

anyhow, if the president of costco can get one, so can i. has anybody ever shopped at costco? it's a nightmare. we've been through this, folks. i just don't find a 15 gallon jug of laundry detergent very practical.

sigh. an honorary degree just seems so ideal. than i can go from being overly educated for my job to being way overly educated for my job- and a tad big-headed as well.

yes, jackie, for the millionth time, we know about your honorary degree from manitoba. you can stop wearing that sandwich board now.