there was sherry in the lobster bisque and wine in my glass, and thus i was completely out of it by about 7 pm last night, passing out in my bed and waking briefly only to strip out of my clothes and pop my contacts out. you might call it a waste of an evening, but this morning i woke up at 8 am feeling fresh and alive after all that sleep. today i work only 4 hours, which is sad because i have to work but good because the 4 hours should fly by. hopefully. i'm feeling really stressed out about my job lately, but i pray that those feelings will pass. i also pray that in a couple of months, i maybe won't be there be anymore.... if chris gets this other job or if i get off my ass and get another job.... sigh. working is such bullshit. i talk to people who love their jobs, and i just don't understand it.

sometimes i think i should become a waitress or a bartender. really just chuck my degree even farther out the window and take some menial job that requires less thought so i can concentrate on my other pursuits. i'm jealous of andrew and jessica- andrew who's trying to make it as a writer and jessica who's making a career out of a passion for photography. i'm jealous of dan who makes coffee for 25 hours a week and then spends another 30 hours making art and music. they're braver than i am, more ambitious, and not afraid to follow their dreams.

this girl i work with, gina, is 19 years old. she complains of how old she is and how she fears that her life is going to be spent doing menial work while lacking any creative endeavors or exciting adventures. "gina," i sighed, "i'm 23. imagine how the fuck i feel." i guess even 23 is not that old, but the caution signs are going up. they're bright yellow with big flashing lights, and i'm ready to start paving out that detour.

i need less talk and more walk. less words, more action.