My aunt sent me a $50 gift card to Bed, Bath, and Beyond- a "congratulations on your new home" gift. She also included a coupon to Bed, Bath, and Beyond that she had clipped out of the newspaper. Her message was, "Congratulations! Here's a small gift for you. If you use the coupon before November 30, you can get even more!"

We are one and the same, me and my aunt. Only while I would spend many long minutes wondering if I should include the coupon with the gift card, if including the coupon would make me look like some kind of cheapskate oddball, my aunt probably didn't think anything of it. How come including coupons with gifts isn't more common? I like the combination of gift card plus coupon as a gift. That's really the gift that shows you care. Anybody can buy a gift card at Dominick's as an afterthought while waiting to pay for their ground chuck. But to actually clip a coupon for somebody else? That's love.

I don't know what I'm going to buy at Bed, Bath, and Beyond. I checked the website, and they don't sell video games OR vicodin. Some gift.

There's this couple that lives down the street from us that totally annoys me. It's like they're auditioning for Homeowners of the Year or something. Constantly tending to their lawn, sitting outside, walking around the neighborhood, tinkering in their open garage, waving at people, etc. Enough is enough already! If I wanted to be waved at, I'd go to a parade. And, I don't know, I hate to see people sitting around outside unless there's a barbeque or something. You have a living room and a sofa (I think), and it's October. Get inside. You're making me feel uncomfortable.

It's been one month since we've become homeowners, and we're ending the month with money in the bank. Nice! Oh, the things I've been going without in order to put a few hundred bucks into my savings account. I've been making a real effort to cut my discretionary spending even more than usual. I think I could teach a class on cutting discretionary spending. But only if that class didn't interfere with my discretionary drinking.

Also, I just finished Season One of Dexter. Pretty good. I'm not about to subscribe to Showtime or anything, but I definitely got into it and am now eagerly awaiting Season Two on DVD. It's nice to watch a show and be able to root for a serial killer without feeling like a psycho. Usually, I'm so conflicted.

Chris: I'm working on Halloween from open to close.
Jackie: What? You said you were off. The appraisor's coming over at 11.
Chris: No, I'm working. When you asked if I was working on Wednesday, I didn't know you meant this Wednesday.
Jackie: Well, what Wednesday did you think I meant?
C: I don't know. Some Wednesday.
J: Idiot. Well, you're calling the appraisor tomorrow to reschedule. I'm not doing it. But I am going to call you every hour on the hour until you say that you've spoken to her.
C: Okay. It'll be nice just to hear your voice.

An hour later...

J: Guess what. The appraisor just called to cancel because she broke her wrist. Now you don't have to call her!
C: She broke her wrist?
J: Yeah, isn't that great?
C: Pretty sweet! Hey, are you still going to call me tomorrow every hour on the hour?
J: Yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't you?

Guest Bathroom.

I painted a wall today. My first time painting without Chris. And I do believe it's the crappiest wall in all of Lake County. I could be wrong; there could be somebody up the road trying to paint while wearing an eye patch. Either way, it's a pretty crappy wall.

I'm starting to love my house, and to love where I live- despite the crappy wall. I know I'll love it even more once I delve into a few more projects. The first week of driving to work was pretty bad, but then I was clued in to a different route, and now I'm feeling pretty good. This different route, it takes me through the changing leaves, through the beautiful estates of Lake County, through the quiet areas void of strip malls and bus stops. It's nice. I like it.

Chris and I went to a Hawks' game last night. I love hockey, and I can say this with the utmost of confidence despite this being only the second game that I've seen. It was the first time we'd been downtown since our move, and I was pleasantly surprised to find out that the drive isn't that much worse from where we used to live. My life has been consumed by worrying about the travel times to various locations; in the end, drive times aren't that bad at all. And I win, because taxes out here are lower, I can actually see stars, and did I mention that I'm a homeowner building equity in a very quickly growing area? I know; it's hard NOT to be jealous of me.

I won't deny that I went through a hard time with the move. I freaked out all summer long, and then when we actually moved in, I was a wreck. I've always had a hard time dealing with change of any sort. I clearly remember one night back in 1994, after entering high school, when I put myself to bed early, stared up at my pink walls, and cried myself to sleep because I was no longer in junior high, or elementary school, and I was no longer a child. I wanted to be a child, and at the age of 14, I already missed the carefree days of being 13, 12, 11, 10, 9, etc. I thought to myself, "This is it. It's all over. I'm in high school now, and soon I'll be in college, and before you know it, I'll be 50, and then I'll be dead." Me and Change, we don't get along very well. I survived high school, just barely, and then I survived college, just barely, and then I met Chris, and I survived our wedding, just barely. We bought this house, and I survived- just barely. But now I'm feeling okay. I'm embracing being an adult, being the kind of person that impetuously paints a wall on a Saturday afternoon and knows that it is crappy, but knows that it can be fixed.

There are times when I feel bad for Chris, though. I feel sometimes like I tricked him, like I convinced him that I was fun-loving and laid back. Then, when it was too late, I revealed that I was a bit of a nut-job. He seems to roll with my punches, though, and that only makes me love him more. So who wins here? Me, because I found somebody so willing to put up with my mood swings, or him, because he continues to win my love? I've always considered my love to be kind of like an Emmy or Nobel Peace Prize, because I don't award it freely. I hate everybody. Except for, perhaps, five people.

Somehow, I don't think Chris is winning. But I won't tell him if you don't.

My parents came over last night. My mother had packed up a box of my miscellaneous stuff, and going through it, I found five old diaries. "Did you read this?" I asked my mother, appalled. Her response? "Not really. I tried but couldn't get into them."

Great. At least she was honest. I suppose some of my earlier diaries were a little bland. "Went to mall. Bought one pink shirt, one blue shirt, one pair of socks." But if she had kept reading, I think I could have promised that the later ones were a little juicier. Not juicier as in filled with sex. Lord knows I spent the first twenty years of my life in a completely celibate state. But juicier as in, filled with secrets, angst, cringe-worthy tales, unabashed shame.

There was also my first book of "poetry" from when I was in sixth grade. My god, I thought I was such an artist, such a tortured soul. Here, for your reading pleasure, is "The Perfect Couple."

The Perfect Couple

We used to have
So much fun
Taking long walks,
Sitting in the sun.
We opened up to each other
As we sat in the sand.
We created a world of our own,
A magical land.
We overlooked
Every tiny fault.
We'd never criticize
Or ever insult.
I'll never forget
Anything you said.
You're alive in my heart,
Even though you're dead.

What the fuck?!?!?! But in many ways, I still think it's brilliant.

She also brought over my old school gym shorts from my junior high. I don't know why; I can't imagine wearing gym shorts around town with my old last name written on them in faded black Sharpie. However, I tried on the gym shorts, and they still fit. Haven't gained a pound since I was twelve. There must be some sort of award available for that.

She also brought me 500 piece puzzle of a sailboat on an ocean. I haven't done a jigsaw puzzle in ages. Jigsaw puzzles are for losers. Online poker and Paper Mario are for winners.

Sometimes I wish that I had facial hair so I could play around with shaving my face in weird and wacky ways. Chris grew out his "vacation beard" last week while we were at home, and then decided to change it into the mustache (and sideburns) of a child molester before heading back to work.



Nice! Of course, he didn't go to work looking like this, but I almost convinced him too. I almost had him.

Also, looking at that second picture (taken in our loft), I realize that the upstairs of our new house is kind of like our entire old house. The damn half wall with the wooden "cap." See picture below taken back in January of me in the old living room. Then look at the second picture of Chris. It could be the same room, eh? Except for all the clutter. But don't worry, we're well on our way, clutter-wise.

I'm really looking forward to going back to work on Monday. Left to my own devices, I don't seem to accomplish a single thing. I think I'm definitely the kind of person who needs structure in the day. I can't imagine being a stay at home mother/ housewife. I think I would definitely stop showering after a week or two. Forget make-up, looking presentable, flossing, moisturizing. Why would I bother? After six months, I would become akin to a cavewoman. Only without the will to create wall drawings.

So, it's October, and it's 80 degrees outside. We didn't get an air conditioner in the house because we figured we wouldn't need it in the fall, and that we could just buy one in the spring. Whoa, nelly. I'm upstairs in the loft wearing a wifebeater (sorry, that's so derogatory. I mean, dago tee.), and I'm sweating up a storm. What is that about heat? It rises? Plus, I'm weary about opening the windows too wide because there are so many bugs in this town. Little gnats that fit in through the screen. Who would have thought that moving next door to a bog would mean super crazy bugs? I guess I should have done my research.

I went out to lunch with my coworker MV today. It took me 35 minutes to get to the office, no traffic. Mama, it's going to be twice that with traffic. I guess I should stop my bitching. But if you honestly expect me to do that, then you clearly don't know me at all.