we received our first wedding gift in the mail yesterday. this was pretty exciting, and it almost makes the pain of wedding planning worth it. almost.

it was a cocktail table and two chairs. we registered for this, of course, but now that we have it, i have no idea where to put it. sure, we've got a little room behind the couches, but i definitely didn't plan this out when i scanned the barcode for this set at target.

some of the stuff on our registry is absolutely ridiculous. we registered for scissors. i don't even remember scanning scissors, but that doesn't necessarily mean that this was a cheese choice. scissors? who registers for scissors? we also registered for a tissue box holder. i can't remember the last time i used real tissues to blow my nose as opposed to toilet paper. who am i trying to fool?

nothing too exciting is going on in my life when you exclude all the wedding stuff. we have under two months to go, and while i'm not totally relaxed about things, i do actually feel mildly better about the whole process. it could be because things are falling into place. it could also be because i've been chomping pain killers like they're going out of style.

last night, i met billy williams, the hall of fame baseball player who set a million records and did a whole bunch of crazy shit. for weeks, i was under the impression that i was going to meet billy DEE williams, but i later found out that these are two entirely different people. billy williams, the baseball player, was the guest of honor at last night's gala. He spent a good portion of the evening signing autographs, but when he wasn't signing, i couldn't help but feel bad for him. he had nobody to talk to, and, while he was the most popular person in attendance, he was also the most unpopular, because after people had him sign their baseballs or programs, they'd awkwardly step away from him, unable to carry on a conversation with such a legend. billy williams was the first person to leave last night, after he finished his chicken and filet mignon, and we watched him walk out alone.

my volunteering stint was short. di and i sold wine at the wine table for about twenty minutes. we didn't sell that much wine, and this is because we are bad salespeople. i spent most of my twenty minutes trying to unjam a stapler while stuffing little pieces of cheese into my mouth. when i wasn't fiddling with the stapler or eating cheese, i did my best to avoid eye contact with potential customers. this is because i know very little about wine, other than i like to drink it. which one has a full body or is dry or sweet or which one goes well with fish? fuck if i know. just pick the bottle you think is prettiest, and let's all be on our way.

the daily herald and i have developed quite the relationship. i suppose it started when we were living at our old apartment, and i donated twenty bucks for some cause. i can't remember which cause it was; i think it had something to do with toys for tots or socks for the homeless. in exchange for the twenty dollar donation, i got a six week subscription to the paper. upon getting the subscription, i sent an email to the herald telling them to please stop sending me the paper as soon as my six weeks ended, as to avoid getting billed. of course, i continued to get the paper for another six months, and of course i disregarded every bill i received, because, christ, i sent them an email. it's not my fault they didn't listen. then i moved and that was the end of that.

until they did an article about sudoku, in which my name appeared. see, i like sudoku, and i thought it was pretty cool to be interviewed about why i enjoyed it. after my phone interview, and after about eight weeks went by, the article finally came out, with my name being the first two words of the article. that was pretty sweet, and it was also pretty sweet that my david hasselhoff quote was included in the article. i proceeded to photo copy the article and send a copy to everyone i knew like it was some big deal, like i was some local celebrity. see, in my life, it's the little things that are the big things, because i am lame. but hell. did YOUR name ever appear in the daily herald? no? then, i win.

now, currently, i'm blogging on their new site. i feel like my blogging career has reached some new level, despite the fact that it really hasn't. but, again, do YOUR blogs appear on one of the daily herald's sites? no? then, again, i win.

they took a picture of me to appear alongside my blog, and i hate it. i have an awful look on my face, which betrays how uncomfortable i felt. the photographer kept telling me to run my fingers through my hair. this is something that i don't do. i'm not the kind of girl who runs her fingers through her hair. the kind of girl who runs her fingers through the cheese bin at the grocery store, yes, but not my own hair like i'm some kind of thirteen year old girl trying out tips in cosmo on how to attract guys. i don't twirl my hair, i don't inspect split ends, i don't even touch my hair except for in the morning when i'm tying it back. the whole thing is unsettling. but, nonetheless, here's the link for the blog.

http://www.beepcentral.com/money/money.aspx

they're putting out a print version of beep in april, which i'm very excited about. this will surely trump my brush of fame with the sudoku article. and, if it doesn't, then i still win. i think.

chris' little brother turned 21 yesterday, and saturday night was a big boozefest leading up to when we finally went to the bar at midnight. i don't think anybody was in good shape on sunday. i was dead tired since, after drinking, i'm usually unable to sleep, and i know chris pretty much threw up everything he'd eaten since sometime in mid-january.

there were highlights and lowlights of the evening. actually, most of the evening was full of highlights, but a definite lowlight was when we had to walk home from the bar. apparently, a few of us fell face first into the snow. i didn't notice because i was about a mile ahead of everyone, the speedwalker that i am. i wish speedwalking was an olympic event; i'd definitely have the gold.

the rest of the weekend was relatively unremarkable. i finished the first season of "sopranos" and am extremely anxious to start the second. the cheese and i went out to dinner on friday and then yesterday we went to my dad's house for a bit. i thought it was cute when chris called my grandma "grandma" and then reminded her that he's going to be her grandson in a few months. oh, chris. if you're trying to get extra christmas gifts out of her, it's probably all in vain. but if you're trying to win her heart, then i think you succeeded.

i've been getting a lot of mail from aarp lately, and today they sent me a card. i don't know how old these people think i am, but if it will save me money at restaurants and stores, then i'm totally in.

the other day i got a magazine from them with a game of sudoku in it. in many ways, they really do have my number.

where did all of my free time go? i feel like every day is eaten by my "things to do" list. not that i've actually written a "things to do" list, but this is only because i haven't found the time. it's not even just work and wedding stuff. i've got this gala that i'm volunteering for, which i would totally regret if not for the words "free meal and open bar," and then i have to fit in time for family, for errands, for social obligations. and now i might be volunteering for some tax thing where we do taxes for lower income families. as if i didn't have enough on my plate. and as if i knew anything about taxes other than just barely getting through mine, as shown in this year's episode of "jackie gets fucked on her refund."

when did i start volunteering for so many things? this is totally out of character for me.

after the wedding, i don't want to deal with any major life changes. unless, of course, we move to los angeles so chris can get a better job. which, when you get right down to it, would be a hugely major life change, probably a bigger deal than planning a wedding. but i'm not buying a house, i'm not having any kids, i'm not working two jobs, i'm not throwing any more big parties where i feed two hundred people, and i'm not pursuing any advanced degrees. i'm not getting lasik surgery. i'm not going to start building a boat. and i'm sure as hell not going to get a small business loan and start my own cheese store.

i want to be obligation-free.

i received some relationship advice the other day, handed down from a grandmother to her granddaughter to me. in order to make a relationship work, you have to be a "chef in the kitchen, a lady in the lounge, and a whore in the bedroom." i thought long and hard about this, and realized that i am pretty much none of these. although once i was a whore in the lounge and a chef in the bedroom (strips of bacon on the george foreman grill next to my bed), so i'm close.

anyways, good advice.

chris plus wedding invitations equals one good time.
chris taking a much needed break from stuffing 'lopes.
ah, back to work! what an eager beaver.
action shot number 4 in a 200 part series.

chris spent three times as long as me stuffing envelopes for his side of the family. that should tell you something about the guest list. also, he's somewhat of a perfectionist, while i just shoved everything in mine all willy-nilly. but don't tell him that, he'll just say, "i knew it!"

watched wedding crashers last night and proceeded to have nightmare about wedding.

ate leftover chicken mushroom alfredo dish and proceeded to throw up and set new rule: don't eat week old leftovers.

read old lois duncan young adult novel and proceeded to think, "i'm going to write a young adult novel. but after the wedding and after any nervous breakdowns."

went to brent's wedding and proceeded to think, "i should open my own pasta bar." i'd call it "basta pasta!"

watched patti put together my bouquets and proceeded to mentally cover her in kisses. platonic kisses.

started writing programs and proceeded to falter on the acknowledgement page, where you're supposed to be sappy but not at all funny or crass.

things i won't be eating any time soon

the grapple. i don't think i've ever said to myself "i wish this apple tasted more like a grape" or "i wish there was some way i could pay $1.50 for a single piece of fruit." but i would like to meet the team of engineers who did.

turducken. that's two too many animals.

tofurkey. that's not enough animals.

blood pudding. hell, maybe it's really tasty. but i sure as hell will not be trying it.

fish tacos. chris always orders these, and i always laugh. especially since they don't specify what kind of fish you're actually getting. or what part.

scrapple. at first i thought it might be something i would like to eat, because it made me think of scrabble. i imagined little edible pieces of the alphabet, kind of like the cereal, or that canned soup. but then i found out what it was, and i threw up a little in my mouth.

head cheese. there's no actual cheese in this. just head.

ham. i just don't like it.

we saw aimee mann last night at the park west with eric and lauren. i saw her there about five or six years ago, so there were brief moments when i felt like it was 2000 again. except this time i could legally buy a vodka cranberry.

unlike aimee mann's performance at navy pier this past summer, last night at the park west felt like she was playing to me in my living room. this feeling lasted as long as i didn't look around at all of the other faces in the crowd; i could never have that many people over at once. i missed carole, of course, as i always do when i listen to aimee, and more than once i felt like i wanted to cry. although i love her music, love love love it, i think the sentimentalness i feel about her tends to be more about who i was when i started getting her albums. about my friendship with carole, about my general unhappiness, about a bunch of wierdos i knew like mike and art, about laying in my old bedroom, about driving around tinley park, about going to columbia, about dudes i knew for three minutes, about friends i've lost, about fights with my parents, about my old job, about my little sister.

there's definitely going to be some aimee mann at my wedding, although i can't think of a single song that would be appropriate. you play aimee mann when you're going through a bitter divorce or after you realize that, yes, you have a drinking problem. it's not really good listening for your typical joyous event.

but i will find a way to fit her in there. even if i have to change the lyrics from "i could hurt you now" to "i could wed you now."

i recently started watching dvds of "the sopranos." the only reason i decided to was because everyone at work is suddenly soprano-obsessed, and i hate not being able to participate in the banter.

it is my understanding that a lot of italian-americans were up in arms over the way italians are portrayed in that show. after watching a number of episodes, i must say i LOVE the way italians are portrayed. why, you ask? let me tell you why.

sopranos proves that:

italians know how to get things done.
italians don't take shit from no one.
italians find creative ways to supplement their income.
italians eat baked ziti.
italians are good at starting and controlling fires. also, good at handling guns.
italians are good at going to therapy.

i'm sure there are other things that i'm missing, but, again, i'm only a few episodes in. i do kind of wish my family had mob ties; maybe then somebody could afford to pay for my wedding.