aimee mannificent

the concert was wonderful. i had never been to the skyline stage at navy pier before, and it really is a wonderful venue. it seats a good number of people, and yet it still comes off as feeling intimate. chris even enjoyed himself as well, despite seeing a billboard on the way into the city that proclaimed, "everybody hates chris." what a horrible way for him to find this out.

we had drinks afterwards at one of the restaurants on the pier, then drove marcia and mark back to their car. once at home, chris went to bed and i stayed up watching an absolutely awesome movie that i had never heard of before. "rick" is currently one of the free movies comcast ondemand is offering, and it was dark, funny, well-written, and riddled with the kind of subtle ironies that require a second viewing, just to make sure you didn't miss something when you blinked. i recommend it to all.

today is the kind of lazy, sleepy day off that i haven't had in months and months, and i'm loving every mother freaking minute of it. i think i'll have a spoonful of cream cheese and then take a nap.

cigarettes and red vines

tonight's the aimee mann concert- a little pre-birthday gift to myself from myself. i haven't splurged on concert tickets in over 2 1/2 years, since the infamous "coldplay at uic" incident. that was the night that i decided chris martin was one of the top twenty grossest men alive; being ten feet away from an overly sweaty dude with big globs of spit flying from his mouth can put you on a list like that. in three minutes flat.

my birthday is a week from today, and i have yet to make any plans. this perfectly illustrates why i'm so wary about this whole wedding business- i can't bring myself to make basic plans for a saturday night, so how am i supposed to go through with this marriage hullaballoo? plus, i'm on this huge money-saving kick. i set a monetary goal to have in our savings by april- 15k. we have 5k to go. that's $625 per month that we need to save, and so every penny counts. i know i can do it, it's just going to take a little bit of discipline. grocery shopping with me is a TON of fun these days.

speaking of my birthday, chris bought me part of my birthday gift this past week. the best part of getting a gift from chris is not the actual gift but how, after he's purchased it, he just cannot wait until the correct day to give it to me. i came home on wednesday, and he said, "i got you something for your birthday today." pause. "i can't give it to you until your birthday." pause. "do you want it now?"

"no, i can wait."

pause. "i'll just give it to you now." then he ran out to his car, got the gift, came into the apartment, and rummaged around in the closet until he found an old christmas gift bag. "here, jackie," he said proudly, extending the gift bag. "i got you this."

"but it's not even my birthday!"

***************************

there are some people that you meet in passing that make a real impression on you. they strike you with their sweetness or humor or smile or eyes, and after they leave, you still feel happy to think of them. i had one customer that was like this, a woman about my mother's age. she was bone thin wearing a big baseball cap, and when she sat at my desk, there was something tender and sweet about her demeanor that stuck with me for a while. this past week, i learned she passed away from an unexpected heart attack. and it's so strange; i knew her for only fifteen minutes, but my own heart aches to think of it.

and now i drive the bus

when i took a career test back in high school, the results came back and told me i should be either a bus driver or gardener. i have to question any career test that even considers these two jobs as viable options. a career test should inspire hope; you should walk away from it believing that, yes, you can be an astronaut, a senator, a soap opera writer. everyday jobs should not be included. bus driver. gardener. cashier. dog walker. no wonder the suicide rate is so high.

maybe it's because of this career test that i don't expect all that much out of my professional life. hey, as long as i'm not driving a bus or mowing a lawn, i'm doing pretty damn good for myself. but, sometimes while i'm sitting here at my desk answering inane questions about how to balance a checkbook, i wonder if maybe i sold myself a little short. i never considered banking until i accidentally fell into it, and yet here i am, doing pretty much the complete opposite of everything i used to think i could do. except for the occasional spurts of witty banter, there is nothing creative, lively, or fun about this. but what else could i be doing? let me rephrase that. what else could i be doing that would also keep the lights on?

i got it. i could be writing career tests.

the flat top girl meets the flat top grill

we went to flat top grill last night to celebrate chris' sister birthday. i'm always wary of places that make you assemble your own meals. i have no idea what tastes good with what, and while everyone else around me is enjoying flavorful masterpieces of well-thought out dishes, i'm stuck poking my fork around a concoction that tastes like foot and contains random, disastrous elements. what seems like a good idea whilst in line is seldom, if ever, edible. plus, the whole joy of going out to eat is to have somebody serve you and create your meal for you. if i wanted to have a fucked up stir fry, i could do that at home.

i was captivated by the art work on the walls of this place, though. it was done by school children, and there was one piece in particular that i can't get out of my head. it was of a pink alien walking by a big, slanty house. the house was surrounded by a spiky, ramshackled fence, and the alien had a peculiar, unreadable look on his face, like he was either going to break into the house and kill the whole family in their sleep or maybe just knock on the door and politely ask to use the crapper. "i just ate at the flat top grill," the alien would say, dabbing sweat off his pink forehead, "and my bowels are in an uproar. i think i may have poisoned myself. can i please, please, please use your bathroom?"

i love wisconsin



as a mini-vacation, we drove up to house on the rock in spring green. we also went to a vineyard and stopped in madison. here are a few pics.









the blurred lights of the world's largest carousel:















on the throne of passion, chris sat down and "dud" lit up.



finally, the mannequins at the house on the rock, as you can tell, are built true to life:

sketch artist

this morning, i decided to organize my desk at work, which is a pretty huge undertaking, considering i'm somewhat of a slob. the whole activity was reminiscent of when i was forced to clean my locker out senior year of high school due to no longer being able to shut it. that was the day that i finally figured out what that wine-like smell was; i had had an apple fermenting at the bottom for over seven months.

while cleaning out my desk, i found entire notebooks i thought i'd lost and enough loose papers to fill a bathtub. this was when i realized that i've been spending the better part of my employment doodling. now, for the enjoyment of blog readers everywhere (all five of you), here is a short list of what i've been doodling:

1. enough ice cream cones to suggest that i'm averaging about one ice cream cone doodle for every six days.
2. portraits of my co-worker g, complete with stink lines.
3. a cross-eyed bunny eating a shoe.
4. a horrified man with mushroom clouds sprouting from his hands.
6. a horrified man with a gigantic ass and a very tiny chair.
7. a portrait of my own ass combined with a coworker's gigantic boobs.
8. clowns with guns.
9. a pile of cash oozing out of a car that looks suspiciously like my own.
10. robert deniro.
11. martinis. almost as many martinis as ice cream cones.
12. the space needle with a bird impaled on the spire.

i did not find any apples, although i did find:

1. a box of triscuits.
2. three bags of pretzels.
3. a couple of loose saltines.
4. a couple of loose pringles.
5. a small container of ranch dressing.

i do have a very large desk, which is part of the problem. there are too many drawers in which to stuff papers and food items and trinkets. they should have given me a card table without any storage space. that was their first mistake. their second and third mistakes were internet access and unspoken access to the cabinet in the breakroom where all of the cup-o-soup is stored. i really shouldn't be allowed to eat soup at my desk; the space just left of my monitor is getting all sticky and chicken-soup-like smelling.

and you want me to be your latex salesman?

cutest photo ever


this panda cub is adorable enough to be an honorary muppet.

fucking my shit up...

... one payroll check at a time.

i could not be angrier. perhaps i could be angrier; i am, after all, a person prone to rage. i got my first check from the optical since i've been back, and the following things occurred:

1. they direct- deposited my check into an old account that i closed a year ago.
and
2. they took out sixty bucks in medical, dental, and life, which, clearly, should not have occurred for a part time employee.

so i make a big stink about it at work, and they give me the payroll number. this morning i call, and i am told the following things:

1. the bank has not yet sent back my money.
and
2. apparently, i "owed" sixty bucks in benefits from last year because my freaking manager placed my date of termination a month after i actually left.

fucking a! who are these morons? first of all, i don't get paid at all, and, second of all, when they do eventually straighten the bank situation out, i'll be out sixty bucks. sixty bucks could have bought the following items:

1. monk dvd
2. sixty tacos
3. two tanks of gas.


which reminds me- i'm also angry at the gas situation.

why is everybody out to get to me?

don't stop believin'

i woke up this morning, roughly half an hour ago, feeling better than i've felt in a long, long time. it's not that i've felt *bad* recently; i just haven't felt great. a case of the mondays is a succint way to describe it. but not this morning. there was a song in my heart as i got out of bed, and when i recognized that song as a cheeseball journey tune, i immediately popped in said cd. the wheel in the sky does keep turning, my friends. i have so much to be happy about, and when i think of how insanely lucky i am, that song rises in my throat. and it doesn't even turn into vomit. that's the miracle, my friends.

hopefully, i can carry this feeling all through work today. although when i think of going to the optical tomorrow, that song sinks a little. whose fucking crazy ass idea was this whole "second job" thing? oh well; tomorrow i'll be picking up a sizable check for four lousy days of work, so we'll see how i feel when i'm in the shoe store on monday, adrift on a spending spendy cloud.

till i hear it from you

at times, it's easy to forget about what's going on in the world, until you wake up one morning and check cnn.com only to find a headline the size of your thigh. "terror in london." that's fantastic.

in other news, i don't think i'm getting this promotion at work. it's not official, but the word on the street is that they're going with this lady who's been with the bank for, like, ten years or some bullshit. i guess ten months experience is simply not comparable to ten years. either way, i'd be next in line for the next opening, which would be in, get this, tinley park. i've already talked to chris and he's all about moving to the southside as long as it's a decent pay raise for me. anyhow, i won't rule bloomingdale out yet, since i still have a chance, but won't it make my daddy's day to know i'd be moving back down?

also, my friend at work, greg (c'ville water guy) talked to a lawyer about getting us out of our apartment lease. the lawyer is a client of the bank who thinks highly of me for one reason and one reason only: i'm italian. well, i'm sure there are other reasons, as i am very adorable. anyways, things are looking up.

yesterday, chris and i walked to the bowling alley. to think we've had a bowling alley within walking distance for over a year now and just yesterday decided to go bowling. it was 99 cent night, and let me tell you, the place was packed. how i miss bowling; it makes me think of when chris and i were first dating, how the act of bowling seemed a natural part of the courtship process, since we were both such huge "lebowski" fans. we bowled last night and then had a drink in the bowling alley bar and just chatted for a while. then, we walked home and chris decided to make martinis from the van gogh vodkas pictured below. i snapped that picture while chris was busy looking up recipes and then mixing our delicious drinks. at this point, we knew the evening would not be complete without a little rowdy singing. we care not about waking the neighbors; in fact, i would LOVE to wake the neighbors. so, we plugged in our microphone, cranked the stereo, and i must say, if i ever find myself in the position of fronting a band, i will definitely be covering some "gin blossoms."

it was a great evening. as marcia would say, it was definitely "qt."

because i am an art lover, i will drink all these tonight

when i ring this bell, you will be a banana

i have decided to learn self hypnosis. there are a variety of things i think self hypnosis could help me achieve. here is a list.

1. sleep better.
2. effectively ignore the neighbors.
3. help change the color of my aura from a murky grey to a sunny yellow.
4. make me cluck like a chicken when the doorbell rings.

this decision comes after weeks upon weeks of pure, unadulterated rage boiling up inside of me due to the upstairs neighbors clomping around too much and keeping me awake at night. i can't go up and tell them not to walk around because (a) they're not doing anything unreasonable (they're just heavy, heavy walkers) and (b) i don't think they understand english anyhow. i have spent the better part of this last month banging on the ceiling with whatever banging utensil i am able to get my hands on: remote control, lint brush, grey's anatomy, tennis shoe, rump roast. i can't spend the next five months putting dents in my personal objects. thus, i have made the choice to fix the problem by working within. also, i will purchase better quality ear plugs, since the dollar store ear plugs i got a while ago seem to be causing some strange ear infection.

in other news, i am now beginning a campaign to bring my best friend carole home to chicago. carole, think of all the things chicago has that new york doesn't. here's a short list.

1. me.
2. cheaper martinis.

okay, that's all i have. but if you come home, then i can promise you this: all of your wildest dreams will come true.

begin entry here

last night, we went over to jason's townhome in beautiful south elgin. upon entry, i nearly shit my pants, because you should see this place that this 26 year old guy owns. it's big and beautiful and full of the kind of furniture you only see in ritzy catalogues. i hate when people my age have so much more than me; it's very disheartening.

envy aside, we had a wonderful time. gina and brian brought their dog to play with jason's dog, and that was the only irritant of the night. every other minute, one of them would be bellowing out one of the dogs' names. "mercedes! stop eating your poop!" "tyson, stop licking that other dog's balls!" drinks were had, food was eaten, and games were played. chris and i make quite a formidable team in "catchphrase." this is because we have a combined i.q. of more than six hundred. this is also because we worked out an intricate cheating strategy ahead of time.

end entry here.

footsies

i really get turned on by men's dress socks. when i go into penney's, and i see those feet mannequins all decked out in the dark men's dress socks, i put my finger in my mouth and think, "oh my. what i wouldn't give to have those feet propped up on my ottoman." i have told chris numerous times about my fetish, but when i quickly discovered that, after a long day of standing, .....

the rest of this entry has been deleted because a certain someone didn't like my use of the word "moist."