sketch artist

this morning, i decided to organize my desk at work, which is a pretty huge undertaking, considering i'm somewhat of a slob. the whole activity was reminiscent of when i was forced to clean my locker out senior year of high school due to no longer being able to shut it. that was the day that i finally figured out what that wine-like smell was; i had had an apple fermenting at the bottom for over seven months.

while cleaning out my desk, i found entire notebooks i thought i'd lost and enough loose papers to fill a bathtub. this was when i realized that i've been spending the better part of my employment doodling. now, for the enjoyment of blog readers everywhere (all five of you), here is a short list of what i've been doodling:

1. enough ice cream cones to suggest that i'm averaging about one ice cream cone doodle for every six days.
2. portraits of my co-worker g, complete with stink lines.
3. a cross-eyed bunny eating a shoe.
4. a horrified man with mushroom clouds sprouting from his hands.
6. a horrified man with a gigantic ass and a very tiny chair.
7. a portrait of my own ass combined with a coworker's gigantic boobs.
8. clowns with guns.
9. a pile of cash oozing out of a car that looks suspiciously like my own.
10. robert deniro.
11. martinis. almost as many martinis as ice cream cones.
12. the space needle with a bird impaled on the spire.

i did not find any apples, although i did find:

1. a box of triscuits.
2. three bags of pretzels.
3. a couple of loose saltines.
4. a couple of loose pringles.
5. a small container of ranch dressing.

i do have a very large desk, which is part of the problem. there are too many drawers in which to stuff papers and food items and trinkets. they should have given me a card table without any storage space. that was their first mistake. their second and third mistakes were internet access and unspoken access to the cabinet in the breakroom where all of the cup-o-soup is stored. i really shouldn't be allowed to eat soup at my desk; the space just left of my monitor is getting all sticky and chicken-soup-like smelling.

and you want me to be your latex salesman?