something blue

holy cow, we have a wedding date set. it's less than eleven months away, and, yes, i am freaking out.

it's not the "getting married to one man" part that's sending me into a tailspin. we've been living together for over two years, and i said good-bye to being wined, dined, and pined for by another guy. which is a relief, because that would probably mean i'd have to back to shaving my legs on a regular basis. the part that's getting me all pukey-feeling is the whole wedding planning part. i am like a fish without fins and gills just thrown into the ocean. now, i've picked all my bridesmaids- but what the hell do i do with them???? what do they expect out of me- and what should i expect of them?

i haven't slept since monday, which is when we set the date. i'm tossing and turning, all caught up in the details and the sheets. i start shaking just thinking about it. i'm like carrie in that episode of "sex and the city" where she tries on the wedding dress and breaks out in the rash. instead of getting a rash from the wedding dress, though, i'm getting a rash from the reception hall websites, the invitation list, the words on the calendar that say we're meeting with the priest next week. i can't plan a saturday night of movie watching and pizza. how am i going to plan what's supposed to be every little girl's dream? and how come, when i was a little girl, i dreamed not of big, elaborate weddings but complete seclusion in some room equipped with a typewriter that looked out at the mountains. of course, if *that* dream came true, i'd probably be dead within the week from a self-inflicted gun wound, but my point here is that i'm not springing for the prime rib, goddammit- you'll have to choose between chicken and orange roughy, because prime rib is ten bucks extra, and this wedding is going to cost enough as it is.

(breathe, breathe)

anyways, see you on april 21, 2006.