my co-worker has stated the following:

carpentersville has award-winning water. people drive from all over the state just for a glass of carpentersville water.

his dog, also known as "little boopity-boop-boop," does NOT drink carpentersville water. the dog's water comes bottled from natural springs in moland.

his wife also does not dring the award winning water. her water is also bottled.

my co-worker, now that he thinks about it, is the only one in his household drinking this award-winning water. but, boy, is it tasty.

my co-worker spends upwards to two hours in the bathroom at a time and complains of strange stomach cramps. when i suggest that it may be his "award-winning" water, he takes great offense and spends another two hours on the internet trying to find articles to back up his award-winning claim.

the dog and his wife are both doing well.

tomorrow he's going to bring me a glass of some award-winning water. i will pawn it off on one of the other bankers and then document his subsequent bathroom time.