in a competition of hamburgers, you're a mistake

i was a judge last night in a karaoke contest. i qualified for this prestigious honor simply by answering my phone when my local karaoke d.j. rang. i should not have been a judge; i am neither fair nor just. plus, it was hard. it wasn't just picking winners based on who sang the best- there were categories. did they have to look at the monitor a lot? was the crowd into it? how was their showmanship? did they have any unsightly ketchup stains on their trousers?

in the end, the best girl won, and i'm glad i had a part in allowing her to recieve her cash prize, plus one night stay at the holiday inn with complimentary continental breakfast- e.g., all the day old bagels and slices of toast you can eat, washed down with a watery glass of orange. i scribbled my own name in at the bottom of my score sheet; somehow, despite recieving an astronomical 3,000 points, i still did not win, place, or show.