church of st. credit cards not accepted

i think the catholic church recruits their priests from former timeshare salesmen. we went in to see the father on tuesday morning, and, because we are a couple that is living together- in sin- before marriage, he's making us do this special "get-away" in order to become a stronger christian couple. "it's three hundred and fifty dollars," the priest began, but then continued, "and look at all you get!"

the church makes it expensive to get married. three hundred fifty bucks for music. three hundred fifty bucks donation for use of the church. (that is not "suggested" donation, either, much to my dismay.) three hundred fifty bucks for the "living in sin" get-away. thirty-five dollars for the christian personality quiz that will tell us how compatible we really are. i didn't even ask what the cost would be if a fat relative were to accidentally crack one of those kneeler things, or if i ended up barfing all over the altar. some costs i'd rather not know until it's much too late.

i'm taking a second job to help pay for all the expenses. in fact, i'm taking my old job- but at a different, much farther location. i know i said i'd never go back- but three or four days a month won't kill me. right? or should i just lay down now and die in peace?

in other news, my friend shane and i went for a walk on tuesday night, and i found a shovel in somebody's trash. not that i often go digging through trash- i just happened to see the shiny black handle poking out from between the garbage bags. it's about time i got a shovel- this past winter, chris had to dig out his car using a folding chair. so, although we are barely into the dog days of summer, i'm already prepared for old man winter. bring it, bitch.