oh, you poor thing

i am interested in starting my own clothing company. this is not because i am feeling creative or entrepreneurial; this is because i need new clothes, and nothing fits me. well, that's not true- lots of stuff fit me. little t-shirts that say "i kissed your boyfriend" fit me just fine, along with trendy jeans meant for fourteen year old girls and tiny pink hoodies and scores and scores of hideous baby blue capris. my problem is that i need new "career" clothes- and it's impossible to find a nice suit when you're a tall size one. im-freaking-possible.

so the questions: do i gain weight as to give myself more wardrobe choices? do i learn to sew and make my own pants out of spare felt? do i write nasty letters to the clothing companies? do i keep wearing the few suits i managed to find from the juniors section? i want NICE suits, dammit. and i want them now. it's a proven fact that the nicer you dress, the nicer you feel. just ask sitcom stars.