the convenience of forgetfulness

i think that if i were to be afflicted with amnesia, i wouldn't necessarily mind that much. what a great opportunity to not go into work for a few days. the boss would call on monday, and i'd calmly explain, "you see, i have amnesia. i don't even know i work there, much less what i do there. i suppose i'll see you when i remember." i'm sure it's against some law to fire an amnesiac. it would be nice to have amnesia for about six to eight months.

it would also be a pleasure to watch the cheese try to convince me that he's my boyfriend and that we love each other. what would i think of the cheese if i didn't know about our history? would i try to throw a spatula at him if he came too close? how many tears would drip from his face while he went on and on about our binding love? it's a sick person who gets a kick out of these day dreams. i understand that.

also, it would be nice to just conveniently forget about ugly bits of the past. and could american express really hold me responsible for my debt if i don't even remember that i have an american express card? would the same thing hold true for taxes and cable?

how would i do my hair if i were an amnesiac? what would i think of my wardrobe? would i be appalled at some of my old bras that i keep around just in case, the bras with the ratty straps and the cups held together by spare pieces of red thread? would i peek into my own refrigerator and want to throw up after peeking at the older slices of lunch meat, that jar of mayonnaise from the mid-90's that i know i can't eat but still cannot bear to part with?

i wonder if becoming an amnesiac would enlighten me, would make me think in all sorts of new ways that would expand and overly populate my brain. i wonder if i would still be good at scrabble. i guess what i should wonder is if i'd even know i owned scrabble. that's something to think about.

i would like to watch 'the big lebowski' for the first time all over again. that especially would be one perk of being an amnesiac. also, the extensive newspaper interviews i'm sure i'd be asked to do.