facts about clothing

1. at one point i owned a turtleneck for every day of the month. i was close to owning a hoodie for every day of the week, but not quite.

2. for the longest time, i thought i was a size seven. this is hysterical because i am actually a size one. i belted my pants so tightly that they bunched out all over the place in the thigh, butt, crotch area. quite comical to the casual observer, i'm sure. i don't know why i thought i was a size seven. also, when i was fifteen, i had to fill out my height for my driver's permit. i put down that i was 5'2". indeed, i was 5'7". i guess that, in my mind, i thought i was a short chubby chick. not that size seven is chubby- it's just bigger than a size one is all.

3. i bought my first "suit" at the thrift store. it was gigantic.

4. i refuse to wear plain white socks, unless i'm sick. for the longest time, i refused to wear black socks because black socks always look "sweaty," but now that i wear black suits all the freaking time, i've given in to the black sock craze, as it were.

5. i would never consider buying a bra without padding.

6. i believe jeans are appropriate for any occasion, be it a funeral, a wedding, a christening, a movie premier, or shopping for more jeans.

7. once, i owned these great dkny sneakers that were bright orange, bright yellow, and bright silver. i absolutely fell in love with these shoes, and i promptly went out and bought a whole bunch of orange shirts. in hindsight, i probably should have bought the navy blue model of the dkny's.

8. i don't like pointy-toed boots or heels because i think that the pointy toe makes you look like kind of like a scumbag. i understand that this may be the fashion, but i despise it.

9. all of my white shirts, due to poor laundry skills, are tinged with either blue or pink.

10. for the same reason, i don't own a single sweater that is completely lint-free.

11. i think that capris are the work of the devil.

12. as was the style, i used to buy a ton of clothes at the thrift store. this left me with piles and piles of men's polos and old ladies' blouses, each with holes near the collar from the stapled on price tags.

13. when i was little, i had a nightgown with a ducky on the pocket. unbeknownst to me, when you squeezed the ducky, it made a quacking noise. i found this out totally by mistake one night when i accidentally sat on the pocket ducky and scared myself shitless. "where did that quacking noise come from?" i asked my mother, who answered by grounding me. three nights later i finally figured it out, and then i went mad with power.