the cheese wore a tie

my place of employment had its holiday party this past saturday. it was held at a swanky banquet hall (a swanquet hall), and the whole evening had the feel of a fancy wedding where, as a guest, you spend the whole night ripping on the bride and groom. the dinner was filet mignon served with itty bitty vegetables. it seems the smaller the vegetable is, the classier it appears. if a big honking carrot had been plopped onto my plate, i would have been slightly taken aback. but the bright orange baby carrot? so elegant! the normal sized zucchini would have had me wondering if i was dining at a mom and pop farm stand- but the teeny weeny baby zucchini? that required no elbows on the table and a napkin on my lap. dignified! although, it may have been in poor taste to loudly proclaim how my baby zucchini resembled a very small penis. so cultured!

chris and i danced a little, which we rarely do together because, as a couple, we have no rhythm. watching us slow dance is like watching a train wrap around a tree in extra slow motion, body parts and ticket stubs dropping every which way. the sight of the open bar was a delight to everybody's eyes, especially for some of the underage tellers. one kid i worked with downed a couple of long islands and then proceeded to run around the banquet hall until he crashed right into the senior vice president. do i hear 'promotion?'

i realize that i work for a great company, for which i am grateful. lenscrafters never fed me miniature vegetables and filet mignon. they certainly never invited me somewhere that offered unlimited cocktails and the chance to dance on a polished floor. never was there an event where the tables were sprinkled with rose petals. once, we ordered in pasta from the olive garden, but even that night was tarnished due to somebody forgetting to get silverware. ever eat spaghetti with a piece of cardboard? not so easy.