the thing about marrying somebody is that, by law, you become a part of their family, whether they want you or not. it's not like you become another mouth for them to feed, another college education to finance, or even another possible bone marrow doner. the relationship that you develop with these strange new people is similiar to the relationship between a fruit basket on the front porch and the guy who opens the door. he didn't ask for this fruit basket, but here it is, and now it has to sit at the table.

it's an odd feeling to be that fruit basket. i posed for a few family snapshots yesterday with the cheese's family, and my gut reaction was, "they don't want me in these pictures." now, who am i to say what these people do and don't want? i'm absolutely no one. i'm the kind of person that compares herself to an inanimate object filled with bananas, for christ's sake. anyhow, the thing is, i really want chris' family to accept me as a part of their family. i feel like the road to complete acceptance is going to be a long one paved with a lot of awkward silences and a complete lack of eye contact. partially, this is my fault. i am by nature a very shy individual; around them, my absolute need to be liked renders me mute, immobile, and unable to eat without food splattering all over the face.

the part that's not my fault is part their fault. i need someone to come right out and say, "as far as fruit baskets go, our son picked a good one, and we're so happy you're here." maybe i need to start reading between the lines, though. maybe i should smile wider for the family snapshots and remind myself that nobody was forcing them to include me, that they called me in from the sidelines, and probably not just out of a catholic politeness. i can't shake this feeling, though; i can't help but think that, if i weren't so quiet, i could get these people to just positively fawn over me. because once i'm able to loosen up around people, what's not to like?

rhetorical question.