as of one o'clock today, i will be on vacation until monday, december 13. i had to set up "out of office" messages for both my voicemail and email, and there was a definite sense of self importance about the tasks. my last job, you go on vacation, nobody frigging cares. this job, you go on vacation and it actually affects people. mr. jones, for instance, when he calls me, his account officer, on monday to renew a certificate. haley over in bookkeeping who emails me on tuesday about a dormant account. oh, and my dad, when he calls my work line to ask me to ask chris about the do's and don'ts of buying bargain wine.

things to do while on vacation:

1. start xmas shopping, burst into tears at the mall when i can't find parking, collect myself, resume shopping at smaller retailing center, burst into tears again when i don't know what the hell to buy everyone, commence heavy drinking.
2. watch the twelve movies will is letting me borrow. try to remember that kyle maclachlan in "blue velvet" is not the same character as kyle maclachlan in 'sex and the city.'
3. add at least 12,000 words to my story. i did not make the 50,000 word goal for the month of november, but i have a grocery list of excuses for that, including 'sudden, inexplicable allergy to keyboard' and 'ate six doughnuts in three minutes, suffered from extreme digestive problems and had to lay down.'
4. see my favorite comedian, brian regan, at zanies on sunday. corner him after the show and get him to admit that we would have been 'good together.'
5. buy beads, make necklaces, live the delusion that i'll actually wear them.
6. behave appallingly.
   
7. at swanky places.
8. see the 'jackie o' exhibit at the field museum. wear pearls and a little hat.
9. catch up on my reading. i'm joining a book club, and my first meeting with them is in early january. it is my goal to walk in, introduce myself, and state that while i understood the symbolism of the green sock, i also thought it was a cheap ploy on the author's part. feign ignorance when the other girls tell me there was no green sock. eat more than my fair share of cheese cubes.
10. cook at least two or three meals. utilize recipes that i thought were impossible, mainly because they included obscure ingredients such as bat blood and eye of newt.
11. overall, become a better human being. take up either yoga, yogurt, or yogi berra.