i have horrible handwriting.

it's not cute or feminine. i don't dot my lower case j's with hearts or bubbles or tiny representations of various planetary bodies. my cursive is hard and jagged and full of angles. i can't stay between lines, and for the most part it's illegible and capable of producing migraine headaches.

the thing is, i'm out of practice. i use the computer for everything, so when i do have to write something down, my hand is forgetful on the proper way to grasp a pen. (if it's one of those little golf pencils, forget it. how do you hold those things without coming down with a sudden case of arthritis?) my attempt to scrawl out something as simple as a grocery list (eggs, beans, five, dentistry) is foiled by the fact that my brain can't communicate with my hands with my pen, and, boom, my grocery list resembles some language that doesn't use a coherent alphabet... and was invented by the imbeciles of some pantsless civilization, not the great leaders, thinkers, philosophers, etc.

i have really bad handwriting. if i wanted to rob some retail establishment, and if i for some reason decided to rob them via handwritten note that i slid across the counter to the clerk, it might take her a few brow-crinkled minutes to try and decipher it, and even then there'd be confusion.

clerk: you want all the honey from the cats' renegade and don't creme because you've got some gum?

me: forget it. i'll just buy a cadbury egg and be on my way.