we're at the lumes pancake house. the cast of characters includes myself- hi, i'm jackie-my soulmate carole, her parents (that's steve and the "arse"), her sister and brother-in-law, and their two kids (megan, age 4, and jack, age 1, both virgos). it's virtual insanity. we're occupying a table near the back of the restaurant (coincidence? doubtful.) and we've turned the joint into a madhouse.

carole and i arrive after the others, and by the time we get there, we find that the table is lousy with crayons and barbies. there's sections of the sun-times underneath the table, and i also notice that carole's brother-in-law has taken off his shoes. it's like they've all taken up permanent residence at the lumes; the people in the kitchen were probably debating about what to charge for rent. carole's family is loud, and i realize that i'm part of the kind of table that i'd normally shoot dirty looks at. it's great. megan hops from lap to lap, and the tabletop is constantly wobbling due to her wriggling movements. i have a hard time keeping track of my silverware; it was probably, in retrospect, a bad idea to introduce the idea of butterknives as swords for the barbies. i never learn.

we have a ball, and carole and i realize exactly to what extent her family has taken over the back corner of lumes when carole's sister comes out of the bathroom and shouts to their father, "steve! come back here and look at this tile!" she has him walking around the ladies' room so she can show him the style of tile she wants back at her other home. when steve gets back, carole says to him, "show us your profile!" she's been telling me how perfect his nose is, and, without questioning why, he gets out of his chair and poses- first left, then right, then left again. it really is a beautiful nose.

i keep stealing looks at baby jack, who's scooping his breakfast out of his plastic blue bowl with his tiny, baby fists. he crams pancake chunks into his mouth, getting food everywhere, and i am immediately jealous.

the waitress comes to clear the table. i think she's so distraught over all the noise, and toys, and crayons, and the sight of patrick's bare feet, that she almost drops a dish on steve.

it might be one of those things that you need to witness in order to understand. it's the kind of thing that would have disgusted me if i were sitting one booth over. but since i was right in the middle of it? it was so much fun.