so i work at a bank, and my fiancee works at a liquor store. actually, it's not just a liquor store, it's a "beverage depot," and he doesn't just work there, he's a manager. there, that sounds better, right? anyhoo, i got to thinking about criminals, as i am fascinated with heists (usually the kind that involve either museums or embassies), and i realized that we each work in one of the more common places to involve such a burglary. then the thought struck me that maybe one individual, feeling overly zealous on this particular day due to saving 40% on a much sought after barcalounger, would try to hit both the bank and the liquor store in one afternoon, as to perhaps pay off the accompanying end table.

that would leave both me and the mr. involved in separate robberies, on the same day, by the same furniture connoisseur. that would certainly give us some interesting dinner banter that evening. i'm sure the beverage depot is outfitted with a state of the art security system, the kind where the cardboard casings of the "cameras" are wrapped in aluminum foil for the realistic metal look. i know for sure the bank has a fool-proof system; each desk has an emergency button to alert the officials.

now, i haven't set off the emergency button yet, but i'm sure that accident is just days away from occurring. i'll be peacefully flipping through the latest edition of "bankers' illustrated" while daydreaming of the perfect quesadilla, and the cops will come bursting in, guns brandished and mustaches glistening. i'll look up, vaguely surprised, and the one cop in charge will ask, "well? what's the emergency?" then i'll be forced to assign them a task, such as fetching caps for my pens. i can't have them drive all that way for nothing, can i?

anyhow, back to the robber with the chair on its way (7-10 business days, between 10 and 2). let's just hope that he gets distracted by a baby hummingbird while planning this whole thing, and his outlook on life is suddenly changed. he becomes a man of god and embarks on a career of writing out informative and compelling brochures, as to hand out at the bus stop.