it started with a simple ear ache. annoying, yes, but also somewhat ignorable. then, yesterday, i discovered a lump behind my ear lobe, like a gobstopper stuck beneath my skin. it's my lymph node, freakishly huge and freaking me out. then, as if having this hard, protruding nob in my head wasn't bad enough, the pain increased in my ear about twentyfold. now, to bring us all up to speed, i'm not only dealing with crippling pain and a monstrous lump, but also with this somewhat muffled ringing noise. either i'm going deaf or i have cancer- these are the two conclusions i've come to.

(as a side note, i used to get "lymph nodes" confused with "gonads." innocent mistake, right? you should have seen that doctor back when i was 18 get this funny look on his face when i came in for a visit and told him, while rubbing my throat, "yeah, my gonads are swollen something awful.")

anyhow, due to my hypochrondiacal tendencies, i'm now imagining life without sound. having to make my friends and loved ones write everything on little, portable chalkboard. "pass the gravy," chris' chalkboard says to me, and, "haha, i can hear and you can't!" i'm also imagining myself in the head cancer ward at the hospital. by this time, my lymph node is now the size of a regulation volleyball.

oh, the agony. i'm going to the doctor this afternoon, but i don't technically have health insurance since i'm in between plans. the health care in this country is poor at best. at worst, it's absolutely, positively, rape you up the ass shitty.