tampons are used to stem the flow of blood, like a cross between a hydroelectric dam and a band-aid.

- this website

anyways, enough about tampons. what i want to talk about is shoulder pads. who finds these atrocities either attractive or necessary? who? unless you're trying to balance a tea cup on your shoulder, i don't see a use for them.

it turns out that i am extremely shy. no, actually, it turns out that, as billy joel once crooned, i go to extremes. i can be such an annoying fucking loudmouth that even i want to kick my ass. then, i can be rendered practically mute, intimidated by new people and situations. at my new job, i realize that i will probably be completely silent, at least for a few months while i work everything out in my head. then, one day, i will explode into giggles at my desk and ask the guy next to me what he thinks about "head cheese." this is when they will call the doctor.

i wish i were more consistent. manic, depressive, manic, depressive.