dear chicago police department,

are you looking to hire a detective? because i know just the girl- me! yes, me. maybe it's all the monk i've been watching, or the encyclopedia brown stories i've been thinking about. ah, that kid was such a piece of work. perhaps, reader, it could be the nancy drew cd-rom mystery i've been sleuthing away at. i'm a little old for nancy drew, you say? that's why i chose senior detective instead of junior detective on the menu page. also, i'm just that good.

i haven't solved any real cases as of yet, but if you're willing to take me on, i promise that you will be pleased with my work. won't it be fun to go on stake-outs with me? i'll bring the beef sandwiches, you bring the fries.

anyhow, consider it. also, did you ever notice that nancy's two friends, bess and george, are awfully close for two girls that claim to be cousins? they spend all their free time together and bicker like an old married couple. even when the hardy boys drop by, bess and george are still stuck to each other like the media on oprah whenever she has a break from jury duty and decides to have a tuna sandwich. anyhow, i think nancy drew was the first lesbian pulp, not wonderwoman as all those museum of sex curators would like us to think.

see? this is why i'd make a good detective.

-jook