those wacky republicans and the things they come up with....

check out the comments page. it seems a fair and balanced look at... a condiment.

i thought i would check out heinz's page for a rebuttal. instead, i found a quiz that promised to analyze my personality based on how, exactly, i use my heinz ketchup. i'm sure it was written by a crack team of social scientists. nonetheless, my result was:

You are a radical experimentalist, always looking for the “new” and the “better”. Willing to try anything once you find joy in ideas.
Never stop re-inventing yourself, therein lies your route to happiness

wow, isn't that right on the money. it encouraged me to send my result to my life partner, as "ketchup couples" are proven to stay together. this is based on totally inconclusive surveys done in grocery stores and one planned parenting joint.

after a while, when i kept seeing "mum" and "flavour," i knew i was (a) either on a british web site or (b) heinz had just been taken over by a bunch of pretensious floof-heads. i'm sorry, but nothing gets me angrier than americans adding extraneous "u's" all over the fucking place. the brits, however, are totally exempt from this rule of mine. how i adore the brits.

anyhoo, i found the american website, which was considerably less colorful. i quickly grew tired of reading about lycopene, and forgot where i was going with this whole thing.