i got this cookbook entitled "have a ball making entire meals out of only four ingredients, you lazy fuck" (or something to that extent). this in my possession, i took that first important step towards housewifedom and made a complete meal out of only four ingredients. four ingredients! how could anyone mess that up? and could life possibly get any more simplified? i submit that it cannot!

then, today, i'm at the local book selling place when i see a cookbook with the approximate title of "make all these crazy dinners out of only THREE ingredients, sucka!" had i been duped? here i was using four whole ingredients when, maybe, i'd only needed three. i felt like i belonged in "there's something about mary," in the scene where ben stiller and the insane hitchhiker are talking about seven minute abs.

you heard of this thing, the 8-minute abs? yeah, this is going to blow that right out of the water. listen to this- 7 minute abs!

of course, they can't possibly do a two-ingredient cookbook. who cooks with only two ingredients? who works out in only six minutes?!?

unless- and now my mind is really racing- one of those two ingredients is a fully prepared lasagna made by, maybe, some homeless guy with an oven who's willing to exchange pasta for booze money. and, no, i don't know where he'd plug in the oven. it would have to be solar powered, or dirt powered. if you do the math, that would leave you with only one more ingredient to add for that "two ingredient meal, fuckface" cookbook. this second ingredient would have to be parsley. you're supposed to add parsley to everything. don't you look at the pictures?