teaching myself to play texas hold 'em poker, mainly because i want to say "i flopped my nuts." that's what you say, right? my self-training so far has consisted of losing multiple hands of yahoo poker and writing out a cheat sheet. before tonight, i thought a straight flush was when you didn't dilly-dally after pooping. alas, i'm always so wrong about so many things.

i want to play games with boys. i've got bowling down, but i need work on pool and darts and spitting and target shooting. this poker thing should be a snap, as long as i keep my cheat sheet handy. and also perfect my sleight of hand.

i'd better take target shooting off the list. don't want to accidentally blast off my own knee cap. instead, i'll join the plumber's union 374 softball league.