i need a library card. i need to go to the library.

my dad took me to the library once and said, "you can only pick out two books." knowing two books would only last me two days, i first whined about his rule and then proceeded to pick out the two thickest books i could find. i'm not sure, but i think i may have checked out the king james bible.

what kind of father *limits* the amount of reading his daughter can do? maybe if he'd have let me have three books, i would have gone to harvard.

my mother used to take me to book sales at the library. they'd have a deal: all the books you can fit in a brown paper bag for five bucks. she had an art to arranging books as to maximize the space. by the time we were done packing books into that paper bag, it weighed approximately the same as an adult human being.

there were always stickers in the children's books: please wash your hands before reading! sometimes i'd smear peanut butter onto one of the pages just to be a bitch. how dare they order me to wash my hands! what kind of slob did they think i was?

and if i was out of peanut butter: red sauce.