things i'm thinking about this morning as i put off working on my crappy story:

my mom was always pissed off that she was never able to become a mail carrier. she mentions it a lot, and i just don't get it.

when i was in second grade, we colored pictures of dinosaurs. the teacher said, "you can make them any color you want, because nobody really knows what color they were." still, everybody made their dinosaurs either green or brown. if i were that teacher, i would have flunked everybody.

music tends to make you remember different times in your life. for me, it's socks. the socks i'm wearing today make me think of my cousin getting married. i also have a pair of socks that make me remember her subsequent divorce and another pair of socks that remind me of throwing out the bridesmaid dress i had to wear. it was a really pretty dress; i didn't think i'd ever have a chance to wear it again, so i pitched it. that was dumb.

i get a lot of paper cuts.

i always confuse the gordita with the chalupa. i know i like one better than the other, but i still don't know which one is which. it's like taco bell just throws these obscure words at you and expects you to remember what each one is. they should call one, "the good one," and the other, "the okay one." then i'd remember for sure.

i really want to live in an apartment with an in unit washer and dryer. not only would it be convenient, but have you ever had sex on top of a washing machine? you should. but you can't do it if you have a communal laundry room, unless, of course, you're into that kind of thing.

i'm tired of saying hello to my neighbors all the time. i don't know any of their names or anything else about them, and the hello is a fake pleasantry that i do not need in my life. i have, however, made up names for them, and i also fear that if i keep saying hello all the time, i'm going to accidentally go too far. "hello, gloria," i'll say to someone who is actually named joan. "how's the lawsuit against the electric company coming along? and, of course, the child pornography?" maybe that will end the hellos.

i still don't know where my umbrella went.