Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self.
--Cyril Connolly

hmm. what was cyril connolly trying to convey when he uttered these words? who is cyril connolly in the first place? and what kind of name is "cyril?".

the writing's not going too well. even the blog entries are painful to type. i realize sometimes that i don't have all that much to say after all. do i write for myself? yes, but then i dislike myself- both the writer and the reader. do i write for the public? pssh. you know, if somebody could offer me a weekly column in, say, "the el paso times," i would write for the public- meeting my deadlines and really having a passion about the whole thing- and the public would love it. i would make the public laugh and think and say, "isn't this girl phenomenal?" but since no one has offered me a weekly column in "the el paso times," i refuse to even try. why work for something you're not guaranteed to get?

well. that doesn't sound like the can-do spirit, now does it? it's a good thing i'm bipolar and tend to change my mind, feelings, and outlook every 16-23 minutes.

note: i am not really bipolar. and it's more like 13-17 minutes.